im feeling slightly apprehensive right now. i odnt know why.

its not a bad feeling. just like my heart feels out of beat. haha.

byebye.

7:20 PM; unforgotten.Y

recently, a secondary school friend of mine passsed away after losing the battle to cancer.

we were never really close. only fooling around occasionally and saying hi and all that whenever we saw each other. i haven't seen him in the longest time. but yeah, news of his death kinda shocked me.

i always thought i wouldnt be affected by anyone's death other than if they were close to me or something. maybe because i thought mama's death taught me to be alot stronger but no.

im quite surprised by the fact that i really am affected by it. maybe because i don't feel he deserved it. he's 19, he's my age. he was always so happy and all. and then you have all those people who have a greater chance of getting cancer and stuff just living till they're 90, puffing atleast 10 of their life-sticks a day. you wonder if it's even fair.

so kim wee, this one's for you.

im glad you're in a better place right now. and you've taught us all what strength is. whatever problems i have seem to be so mundane, and useless and the pain i feel is definitely not even one tenth of what you felt while fighting. you're an inspiration and yes, as so many have already mentioned on facebook, rest in peace. you've finished the race, and came out a champ.



yeah, im on the verge of tears because i stumbled upon his blog. and it has a link to his girlfriend's. its so sad. but i can't cry because im at starbucks now. i really think its unfair. because kim wee didn't do anything. he didn't smoke, he played sports, he was always cheerful. its not fair.

and thats why it breaks my heart to see all the people closest to me just smoking and smoking and smoking. it practically sucks the life out of them. my dad, ming, my favourites - randall, ed, qiwen just to name a few.

and i don't know what i would do if i ever lost them.

4:07 PM; unforgotten.Y

you know how after being the rule for so long, even when you get the chance to be an exception, you feel really out of place? like you're on candid camera.

thats how i feel now.

because suddenly, i just seem exceptionally exceptional.
its like, when i had nothing, i seriously had nothing.
and when one comes, all tags along.

yes im enjoying my life now.
but im scared as hell.



weather is awesome tonight! rainnnnyyyy. yay. rain makes me happy.
random texts make me happy too.
sigh. too much will kill you. too much will kill you. too much will kill you.

gnights.

2:28 AM; unforgotten.Y

you better shape up
cos i need a man
and my heart is set on you
you better shape up
you better understand
to my heart i must be true.

ohgosh, grease is awesome. i love!
you're the one that i want is gonna be on the wedding playlist i tell you.

i better shape up
Cos you need a man
i need a man
who can keep me satisfied
i better shape up
if im gonna prove
you better prove
that my faith is justified

apart from that, i'll have if you're not the one, rule the world, whistle for the choir, love song, shining star, i will possess your heart.

you're the one that i want
(you're the one that i want)
you, ooo ooo, honey
the one that i want
(you're the one that i want)
you, ooo ooo, honey
the one that i want
(you're the one that i want)
you, ooo ooo
the one i need
oh yes indeed




makes me want to throw a grease themed party! hurhurhur.

okay shall do something more productive. yay! byebye.

3:33 PM; unforgotten.Y

nehneh. I can't get back to sleep.

All cos ed texted after he ended work at like 2ish. Walao since then ive been awake can! And ive been major hyper in my texts. Just so i can feel tired faster except that since im still sprawled on my bed, i guess mental hyperness doesnt help eh. Haha.

So fun, he's got like alcohol buffet in his crumpler! HAHA.

Walao, i still cant get sleepy. owwww just cracked my jaw while yawning.
Have been a stalker on facebook. But no one interesting to stalk leh. Sadzzzz.

I want to eat pizza. Not now lah. But later. And i want to check out wave house when it opens. Looks fun. But before that, ive gotta get a nice tan and look like a beach bunny first. Haha. That i shall acheive on wed! Yayness. Cant wait!

i wanted to say something but can't remember what. Great! That means im getting tired. Kinda.

Oh and i find myself very scary. Cos its like i can just block things out of my head. I get over things ans people and situations pretty easily. Like i'll always be able to find something else more interesting thats worth my attention. Maybe thats why for me being together with someone has never been like a burden yanoe? cos breakup or not, i get over shit like zoomzoom. Haha.

I told ed just now 'i know this is gonna sound damn bimbo but my fav driver is nakajima cos he's damn cute.'
And his answer was 'you don't sound. You are a bimbo.'

Wah, thanks ar gummy.
But really i think nakajima is damn cute! I know he's not that great (he's still pretty new to f1) but apart from the fact that he reminds me of takuya kimura in engine, he's like the only asian face ard what! Thats somethingdamn cool already lor. Like he's the only asian face in a sea of whites. Hopefully, he does better sooon.

See, point proven. Not that bimbo afterall eh. HAH.

Attempt to sleep #4592

4:38 AM; unforgotten.Y

be careful what you wish for cos you just might get it

remember how we all want to be the exception?
we just want to be someone's exception.
but it does become a problem when you're more than A someone's exception.

dependence is a drug.
dependence is a drug.
dependence is a drug.
dependence is a drug.
dependence is a drug.

it rips you apart slowly. you lose yourself.
really, you do.

so i will not play the dependence game again.
why? because i am just so cynical.


weiyann and i decided we both need to do something about our lives. we need more excitement. so we. are going to find boyfriends. just some random guy we think we can click with. HAHAHA.
yeah, say only. like we will really do it.


i can't help but feel as if im the bad person. im sorry.

remember kiddies, too much love will kill you!

10:56 PM; unforgotten.Y

ohkay, its like 9ish in the morning and i am up. Its like the 'morning after syndrome' yanoe? Hahaha. Yeah, ive always been like that. Its worse if i drink a hell lot. Cos i'll be up damn early, with a frikking hangover. Not fun i say.

But ytd was awesome i swear. Im looking forward to the day i go out there and get real thrashed. No, i dont mean wasted or drunk. I meant high as kite. I haven't felt high as kite in a damnnnnnn long time! Am looking forward to zoukout this year! Gonna gather my fav party people. hopefully i wouldnt have to deal with drama like last year. haha.

Zoukout this year would mean first anniversary since my handshake with trouble.
Its cool, ive grown up so much. Ive also gotten to know people alot better. Im just trying to stop attracting trouble like i always do. Ahwells.

And by the way, i love non bitchy gays. =))

Can noon come soon so i can do the whole wake up call thing and attempt to sleep. Boo!

9:52 AM; unforgotten.Y

i want to try drunk facebooking, but im not drunk enough! sadness. i am minutely high because i drank on an empty stomach. and prolly cos i didnt dance it off. sighhhh.

fuel was awesome! well, we got in free, and we were like vvip kinda thing so iguess that was great. all thanks to the awesome ej. then i went to look for mmy favourite bartenders. =)))

i heart them!

walao, almost fight can. but its cool. i still lovethem, as long as they don't fight with me. HAHA.

my life just got more messed up today, i swear.
i could feel it messing up. really. its not cool. maybe tomorrow i'll wake up and think, 'shizzle, it was the long island tea that screwed me!' haha.

anyway, i think gay night is the most awesome shit in the world. im gonna go again if i could because it is just damn awesome lah! yeah, i feel damn un-straight. and su and i were pretending to be a lesbian couple to fit in for fun. hahaha. damn fun. and flirting with gays can be so fun! hahaha. its like talking to paulx10 HAHA. im gonna take paul there someday. i bet he already goes lah, but it'll be soooo rad. haha.

okay, ima go wait for all the drunk ones to tell me they're home then ima go to bed. have to get up and do wake up call somemore. yes, im nice. i know. HAH. okay, gnights!

5:25 AM; unforgotten.Y

ohgosh, i just watched the vids of miss singapore world on youtube. its horrible! i think even autumn did better on S factor than she did. and that says alot okay.
and geez, i can't believe she's 19. she looks way older man.
and i saw a youtube comment that kinda irked me. some guy commented to a spoof made of her and said something like give her a break, she's only 19. blahblah. im like helllooo. being 19 doesn't give you the frikking liberty to speak like shit. its not society's problem, its HERS. and i don't understand how they can let her represent singapore. its horrible! but what the heck, its actually really funny. haha. shes a joke man.

greek mythology confuses the shit out of me. but its freaking interesting. i love reading about it even though i forget 3/4 of whatever i read by the time im done. haha. im going to find a day to go chillax somewhere and just read my book. i need to find an intellectual book to read. hmmm.

control yourself, take only what you need from it

yay, ipoh hor fun time. yumyumyum.



i think i've done a pretty decent job controlling myself and taking only what i need from it. i havent been greedy. good job! now all i have to do is control myself, from being too mean. hahaha.
i find myself increasingly more mean. yes, its not good. ive walked away far too much. its not healthy at all.

remember how you used to come up to me and whine about someone saying something? or how your bestfriend walked away because of new found love? well, guess what? i feel exactly how they feel and yours isn't one of those 'fuck my life' things. i would tell you straight in your face 'you deserve it. you deserve much more.'
i used to think they were mean. but i guess, im meaner now. its horrid! i know i shouldnt be feeling this way, but i can't help it. its just, not funny. picture this, we bump into each other one fine day, and i walk away. because i don't want you to be doing it to me. bitch eh? i know. HAHA.
i'll be telling you soon, 'hello! you've been replaced!' and no, you won't get anything before your important day, because you don't need me.

my mother is having fun making fun of my wardrobe. !$#@!$^$#@! walao, motherrr how can like that.
you should be proud that i don't wear corsets and shit lor. oh or even better, A PIECE OF BIGINI AND JEAN, STRUT DOWN ORCHARD ROAD. walan eh, FTW i tell you. hahahah.

i can't find my cords for my cammie! how to upload photos like that i ask you. tsk.



ohamgee so eggciting! i just found out im on guestlist for fuel tonight all thanks to the coolest local deejay EJ! heart her. but im not sure if im goinggggg. screamsss. ZHENNNN QUICK, CALL DADDY! HAHAH.


okay, bye!

11:44 AM; unforgotten.Y

funny how i always seem closer to people when they're out of the country. like im actually talking to mingming now.
and ari just came on to whine about exams. hahah. love it when he gets all small kiddish. cracks me up, haha. (cos ari is typically this ego maniac and he tries to be all wise and intelligent and blahhhh yanoe?)

and i like how 'effoff' looks on screen. dont you think it looks damn cute? i discovered how nice it looks after i typed that to weiyann ytd. not directing it at her, but telling her to tell someone to 'effoff'. cos making unneccessary comment on fb. effkin traitor, i tell you.

and i just made a new self discovery! im only nice to my constants. okay, as in, i only give a damn to my constants. maybe cos they're ard me all the time so they keep me updated abt their lives and all. but the moment people walk away, im kinda like okay, i dont have to give a shit already. and the scariest thing is, i really dont. i can push it out of my conscience. because maybe sometimes, i secretly think they deserve it for walking away.
but then, the moment they turn around and start walking back, i'll just give everything up to take them back.

yeah, im sucha loser i know. haha. but i like how i am. how im not pushover. but neither am i a total bitch.






ps.
do you understand me really?

theres quite a few of you whom i like to pamper. i'l buy you random rubbish and snacks and all. and because i always buy maple syrup crackers and strawberry cream marshmellows from muji for yall, lots of people think i love them. but actually, i don't really like them. i only buy them because i know you like them, or i think you'll like them. i mean, im fine with them, but i could never finish a whole pack of maple syrup crackers on my own. i have to share. and i don't like the strawberry cream centred marshmellows. i like the one with the jammy centres. and even then, i have to share them or i would never be done with them.
did you know that? i guess not.
the only muji thing i can finish on my own, is the milktea. so yeah. you know something new about me now huh.

and did you know,
i hate capsicums? because its flavour tends to overpower whatever you cook it with.
chocolate isnt my favourite.
and im not big on sweets? im the kind who can forgo desserts and stuff.

or how about,
the way i eat my zinger? buns first then chicken.
mac fries - with chilli and mayo.
happy meals are always cheeseburgers, corn in a cup and diet coke.

and i drink diet coke not because it supposedly has less calories or some rubbish.
i like it cos its less sweet compared to coke.

did you know,
i get annoyed with people for dumping pepper into their food even before they've tasted it?
and, i don't like anything too peppery. yes, i hate anything that is supposedly 'black pepper sauce' blah.
i hate lemon chicken and stuff too.
but i like my fresh oysters with only lemon juice.

have you ever realised i always taste the different components of a dish seperately first before trying it as a whole?
and i get annoyed with whoever that says 'you have to eat it all together.' because, yes, i know that, you moron.

the only time i eat celery is when its in mire poix. not raw.

im a fan of seafood, just not fish. cos the bones piss me off even before i feel the slightest bit happy.

im happiest when im with the people i love.

one of the things im proudest for in my life is choir. something ive given up.

have you noticed that im more liberal with my cash when im spending it on others, but not on myself?

im so varied. i like reading, i like partying. i like museums, i like clubs. i love artworks. i like making stuff for people. i like shopping. i like loud music, i love choir/new age/classical music. i run the extreme ends of the spectrum.

my favourite alcohol is dependent on my mood. but usually, im a rum and coke, gin and tonic, vodka cranberry person. my favourite cocktails are lychee mojitos, sex on the beach, long island tea. i love my jagerbombs, even more if i get to see you form a jagertrain.

i have a thing for big guys, guys who are way taller and/or broad.

bet you didnt know its actually really easy to make me cry. just make me really happy, or really sad. its not difficult, trust me. randall has done both.

im actually really easy to please.

if i were attached, i could survive with just one text a day from the guy.
i am also even more accepting if he flirts with others. because the assurance is there.

in my entire life, ive always been a social misfit. never once have i actually found someone whos exactly like me. i've never found someone who would love to do the things i like. the closest ive come to, would prolly be randall.

i get bored easily. of things, of environments, of people.

i trust my gut alot.

i now have a phobia of being close to people, because im afraid they would turn and walk away, and by golly! im the one hurt.

im messed up, just that i hide it really well from the people who dont matter to me.

to some, ive got the perfect life. supportive family, hell lot of awesome friends, i love what im doing, i never seem to have to work for jobs cos they seem to fall from teh sky and smack me on the face. but i work damn hard for it all, and ive prolly gone through more than you have to get what ive got so don't envy me. yes, im blessed. but it hasnt been easy. just because i dont talk and whine about things to you doesnt mean ive had a fantastic childhood or growing up time.

if i wasnt in culinary, i would be a nurse right now. except i used to want to either go to arts/music or fashion school.

i have utmost respect for people who are comfortable with who they truly are. and those who don't try to hard. believe me, it shows.
and i respect those who follow their heart. not those who give in to the masses.

i think the only time i shine, is when im left alone.

i hate being disturbed when im making something.

i hate it when people make a mess while eating. you're not 4years old, so grow up.

there are certain people in my life whom im especially thankful for. and im so glad i know them. i would exchage my life for theirs anytime.



would you still love me?

11:18 PM; unforgotten.Y

i woke up today and realised. so im good.

your know how people have 'person of the moment'? i was like 'girl of the moment' to some i guess. and no sweetheart, its not a nice feeling. i guess what the girls and i were talking about just now made me think.

and you know, i really think we get stronger when the people closest to us tears us down, rips us apart, screws our lives up. maybe its not good because you just kinda build a wall that gets higher and higher. but its good. i understand completely. because ive been torn and ripped. i've had my heart broken. pride shaken. basically, not a very good feeling lah. so i think im like damn immuned now.

and wanhua is really getting married. like ferreal.
i just saw photos of the proposal. AND HER FIANCE GOT A RING SPECIALLY MADE. its zeeohamgee.

yeah, i am damn jealous.

okay, yanoe what sheenie? you're better off getting a tattoo. HAHAHA.

i figured, the next boyfriend wannabe, no need to ask the 'oh can we get together' blahdeeblah question. all he has to do is to buy me pride dvd, kiss my eyelid and say 'maybe. no, must be.' wah, i tell you, i'll be sold. i will marry him on the spot lor. and its easy for me to say now cos i know no guy will do it. hahah.

and i told yann that if i end up marrying a chef, i'll get CARROTS. gedditgeddit?! hahahaha. i am so funny.
actually, i think if a guy wants to propose to me and instead of flowers, he gives me like a bunch of carrots tied together, i'l be quite happy to marry him. cos that means he has same sense of humour as me! (yeah, but he better have a proper ring prepared lah) eh, i honestly doubt i can find someone like that lor. really.

yann and i are so cynical its not funny.
its like we came out from a really bad soap opera then jumped into some really bad comedy. imagine black and white images. yeahhhhh.
aiyah, yann, we must believeeee. then it'll create a fact!
lets keep thinking of happy endings.
maybe then, one fine day, it'll happen to us.

yes, i dont believe in happy endings.
not for myself atleast.
im screwed up like that.


i think theres some event at wavehouse today. i wonder how it is.

ima go sleep. work again tomms. yawns.





you made me sad
you made me glad
you took my pain
you made it rain

and then,

you left me alone again.
all over again.
and again.

12:14 AM; unforgotten.Y

i was complaining to my sissy just now.

we concluded that for some odd reason, my entire social circle is someway or another connected. TOO connected.

walao, i find people from 10million years ago haunting me even till now can. why? because my friends are friends with them. either that is my friend is friends with my friend. get it get it?

really, if i drew out a map of all my friends and mutual connections, it'll just go round in circles.

and my cousin knows !@$#@!! if he wasn't in bkk, i will demand to find out how he got to know such a person. ming ming, come back soon leh, so i can get some gossip.

and you! you traitor! i wish i could keeeeeel you, you slutttt. okay, no maybe not. im just pretending to over react, you know why? cos we are fated to pretenddddd. (still think mgmt's time to pretend damn awesome) anyway, you are a traitor. should change the song we are your friends to you are my traitor. HAH.okay, im abit high now. cos i am listening to damn good moosik.

one day, i will try drunk facebooking. HAH. sounds like fun.
and i am still in shock lor. why the world so small. i ask you why. and of all people, why me. why am i always so suay. all the evil people in my life stay in my life cos my friends are friends with them. oh my gosh, why am i even friends with friends who are friends with evil people?!

*rips hair out*

the asshole ex bf of miao contacted her recently. i think its a cycle. see, i ask you right, singapore so beeeeg, how come one guy, can two time. MY FRIENDS!? I ASK YOU. and everyone comes from a different school. joke lor. (this happened like 3 years back. or maybe four) and then come to poly i have friends who are friends with ex boyfriends, ex classmates, ex this ex that.
moral of the story, if you ever want to cheat, make sure i don't know either girl. HAHA. that guy was just lousy though, so yeah. hahahah.

ive gotta make new friends. friends from somewhere out there. friends my friends don't already know.
if not i tell you, the girl from kindergarten - the one who ripped my fav snoopy sticker into so many portions just cos i didnt want to exchange it with her - will come back and haunt me too. this time round i bet she'll fight with me over a job or man or house. NEH NEH.

i think i should go bathe in flower water. HAHAHAHA.
apparently wards off bad luck.

and ohmygosh yann just showed me this site!
http://my.horoscope.com/astrology/horoscope-sign-love-gemini.html
wah, damn true can. it says:

Gemini in Love:
Fun-loving and always up for an intellectual challenge, the Gemini is a spirited lover. The talk that precedes the interlude is just as important as the actual contact for this sign, and when it comes to wit, this sign holds nothing back. Flirtatious and curious, the Geminian will spend time with a lot of different lovers until they find one that can match their intellect and energy level. The Gemini needs to experience excitement, versatility, and stimulation to feel fully satisfied. Once the perfect match is found, though, the Geminian can settle into a lifestyle for two for the long haul.

really true right! well, both yann and i think so. thats why we have so much problems finding boyfriend. hahah. except i happen to be more messed up than her. magnet for trouble mah. what to do. see, told you must bathe in flower water already.

im feeling quite hyper for some odd reason. i think you can actually feel it in my entry right? haha.

and im never sending my kids to gess. HAHAHAHAHA.
IRONY IS THAT, I THOUGHT OF GOING TO THAT SCHOOL AFTER PSLE OKAY. DURING SELECTION. HAHAHAHAHA. if i did that, can sing 'i will follow you' to kin onn man.

and cheney quite hot now leh. he lost all his baby fat already. i remember i used to see him so often even outside church it was funny. it so weird how all the sparklight kiddies have changed. you have the druggies, the wayward sons, the bartenders, the cosplayers. its amazing. when we were younger we got along. maybe now, if we met each other all over again, we'll click once more. cos we are all messed up. haha.


HARDER, BETTER, FASTER, STRONGER.

In love, the Horse can be a heartbreaker. They are easily attracted and may manipulate or flirt in a way that is most seductive. Unfortunately, some Horses prefer to play and value freedom above commitment. A Horse must be mature to marry successfully.

This is a person who likes to have fun. Horses need physical activity and lots of variety. They are flexible people who do well with sudden changes and shifts of direction. People who like them must expect the same.

Horse has a large circle of friends but, ultimately, they walk alone. A Horse is going to follow their own path, running free ahead of the herd.

oh mygosh, so true too! okay fine, ima heartbreakerrrrrr.
but my heart get broken alot too hor.
so dont judge. HAH.

AND I STILL THINK YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE LOR. NEHNEH. TRAITOR OKAYYYYYYY. SLAPS.
pffft. i am going to talk to ari now. i will rant and i know he'll calm me down.
actually i think the sweetest thing ari has ever done for me, was to pop by supperclub on christmas eve to wish me merry christmas. to call me and whine just before he left for aussie- i had to run out halfway during service at sugarloaf to answer his call lor. and to surprise me with phone calls from australia. <3 <3 <3

and yann, i am veh proud of you.
i think i should follow your example and go do something crazy spontaneous.
clap clap clap. need to eggcite my life.

and see, at 21, wanhua's getting married leh. zomg. i think i'd do better getting a tattoo. hahahah.

okay long enough, random enough, rubbishy enough post. byebye.

STILL THINK YOU'RE A TRAITOR. HM, NO. LACKOFAFRIEND. ASSHOLE.

11:22 PM; unforgotten.Y

wheee. at sheri's place now. feels like good old days when we were back in secondary school.

we just had a weird convo earlier.

*show her eyecandee's picture*
sheri: eh, he looks like ari.
me: yeah lor, maybe cos he's indon.
sheri: why you like all the indon boys ar.
me: rich what.


HAHAHAHAHAHA.




okay lah, there's something about some indon boys thats hot.
only some. hurhur.

oh i think sean paul very hot btw. haha.
i am going to download ketchup song. HAHAHAH.
sherilyn wants me to say sherilyn is cool. okay lor, whatever makes you happy.

and i want to dance like beyonce. walao hot like mad can. she can do those stupid looking dance moves and still look so hot. okay fine, thats why she's beyonce. i hear you.



AND HAH. I GOT SHERI HOOKED ON INFINITY 2008.
walaoooo deadmau5 is so sexxxxxx.

oh okay byebye.

7:06 PM; unforgotten.Y

hi, i just came back to say deadmau5 is friggin sex in the ears. its like perfect music when you're high yanoe.

it makes me want to get high.

oh wait, it makes me high. its efffffkins awesome. screams.

2:57 AM; unforgotten.Y

i finally saw the family today after damn long. it was good to see everyone. i miss mama and brownie. and i wish they were still around. i know mama would have been happy to see everyone get together, eating mee siam, wrapping popiah and digging into the merah, balachan and chap chye.
family - something money can't buy. but sadly, something money can destroy.

as dysfunctional my family is, i still love them. i wish nothing but the best for them. especially the ones closest to me, parents and sissy. i would do anything for them. and i would take a bullet for them.

so there's the family you were born into. then there's also the family you chose yourself. i choose those very carefully. as many friends as i have, there are the few good ones. while i think i would pretty much choose to die rather than let someone else die, the few close ones are the ones i would go all out for. the ones i would very gladly splurge on if i had the cash.

they are the ones i know i can count on when im happy, when im sad. and even when im feeling bored out of my skin. i think its kinda sad to call a (close) friend and get a 'eh? you calling for?' response. its like getting one tight slap across the face okay. yeah, i kena before. probably one of the biggest insults i've ever gotten. cannot forget okay, i can't wait to do it back, just for kicks. hahaha.

which brings me to gummy bear. everyone prolly knows by now that edric has to be one of my favouritest (if theres sucha word) people in the world. because he's cool like that. so i texted him just now 'hi, im bored.' and he replies 'same here.' and then guess what, we decide to meet up for a movie! and so we did.

we caught gamer. (his initial plan was to catch final destination, which stopped showing. so next movie was phobia - which i wasn't looking forward to cos ima wuss- but tickets sold out.) so anyhow, gamer is cool shit. alot of boobs and gore. but it was fun. i promise to date a big scary guy who can fight. cos they are way cooler. hahaha. see how movies influence you? except that, i've always wanted to date big, scary guys who can fight. HAH.
i know, i make alot of sense.

and looking at ed's tattoos makes me want to get one too. i love the ones in words. i want to get one on my feet that says 'i walk by faith and not by what i see'. i bet its gonna hurt a bitch. but i think it's awesome. when i find the courage to do it, i'll give myself a pat on the back.
looking at ed also makes me want to get a nose piercing. simply because i've been toying with that idea for sucha long time now.

i think, looking at ed, is like looking at a reflection of what i hope to be. or more like everything im afraid of doing to myself.

i want to bartend.
i want tattoos.
i want a piercing.
ed's like this older brother i don't have but totally admire. yes, as annoying my gummy bear can be, to me, he's cool. because he's a bro. and if he were my brother, i would say 'i wanna be just like you!' except that im sucha wuss, so i think i'd say 'i wanna date a guy just like you!' hahahaha. i crack myself up.

revelation.

so yeah, i figure i'll be looking out for big scary bartenders who can fight. yet still have a uber nice, softie side. will ask ed to look out for one for me. HAHAHAHA.

(bet you one thousand dollarz he'll say 'me lor' HAHAHAHAHA)

gnights.

1:41 AM; unforgotten.Y

i love it when someone says 'i love you' to me.

especially when its a first.
especially when they don't ever say it mindlessly.
especially when you need to hear it.
especially when they mean alot.

its nice to know im loved.

and its funny how the ones who don't have to say it say it.
yet the ones whom you need to get the most assurance from never does.



im all grown up now. but i've come to realise that i like affection.
im fine with the silence between people after a fight, but it would just kill me if there wasn't any body contact. weird huh?
the most possible person i would quarrel with is probably my boyfriend, if i had one. and usually, its something very silent. im the silent angry person. i don't talk when im angry. and i guess because of that, i would never date someone who would scream and curse and yell into my face. i disrespect that.

so what im trying to say is that, its fine to be silent. what kills me is the lack of affection. he walks off without giving a hug, or maybe a squeeze in the hand. its horrid. call me affection starved. hahah.
and the best way to cool off a fight is yeah, a hug. im that easy to please. haha. usually, once i get a hug, i'll be quite ready to hear whatever you've got to offer.
easy right.


i was kinda thinking of all the people whom ive quarrelled with. i think there weren't many. the only friend i can think of whom ive quarrelled the most number of times with, in the most dramatic fashion, has to be sean.
and sean, you shouldnt be proud of that spot. hahaha.

we fight over the stupidest things. well, usually its cos he gets angry cos of something i did (or did not) do, and then i get pissed cos i don't see why he's freaking out and so on. the friendship is a pain to maintain. its also something i value. because i figured no one else is going to call me 25times and leave me 10 texts and call my best friend just because he thought i died. so thank you.

and seanie, i still don't appreciate you freaking out at me sometimes, as justified as you try to justify it. haha. awww, but i love you still. actually, maybe not. i'll think about it. HAH.



ohyeah, i figured that a successful player is one who is able to make the ones they are playing with feel like the exception, even though, they are the rule. cos no body wants to be the rule in this game. everyone wants to be the exception. even myself.




i want to be the exception.
and if i can't do that, i'll just have to make you the rule.
this game is as cruel as it gets.

9:53 PM; unforgotten.Y

oh yeah, and i think beyonce can dance man. frrrriiiiiking hot to the max can.
yeah, okay, i was watching vma just now so yeah.

so here's to all the single ladies.






Cause you had your turn (turn)
And now you're gonna learn (learn)
What it really feels like to miss me

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

4:25 PM; unforgotten.Y

WASSUP ALL YOU PEOPLE.

SHEENA IS A HAPPY GIRL BECAUSE FOE THE FIRST TIME IN HER POLY LIFE, SHE ACTUALLY GETS THE HIGHEST GRADE POSSIBLE IN HER MODULE. HOHOHO.

I PASSED WITH COMMENDATION FOR SIP!
DON'T PLAY PLAY HOR.

BUT !@#$%^&^%$#@!
THE ONLY TIME THAT HAPPENS, ITS A NON GRADED MODULE.

... AND I THINK THE REST OF THE COURSE PASSED WTIH COMMENDATION TOO.

!@#$*&%#!


neh mind neh mind. sheena will work harder.




yeah right, my balls.

4:17 PM; unforgotten.Y

i love not fair by lili allen. Makes me laugh. Haha.

I realise things will never be the samee again because of your moods. How sad. But im glad to see your trueeee colourss *bursts into song* hahah. But naw, i think im major cool with it already. Its good that im past the dependency stage of whatever we had. Cos right now, i guess its just a oh im happy you're here kinda thing. But the next time you walk away, screw your life cos thats all you care about yanoe? So yes, i think im cool now.

And right, i think charlie's gf richkid can. Frikking chanel. im assuming its genuine if not you wouldnt be carrying it ard nyc, home to sex and the city and fashion gurus right. Haha.


Am going to date a rich guy! Am going to date a rich guy! Am going to date a rich guy!
and i decided its important for him to be able to bartend. just needs to be able to make good lychee mojito, sex on the beach and long island tea. I declared that to eddie the other day and he says he fits the bill. Hahaha. Until i stated 'single available tall dark and handsome'

Only criteria he passes is dark i think. And hes broad. Beams. And he's like 'eh, im kinda hot, i know it.' hahahha. Yes lah gummy bear damn hot lah. To the gay population. Hahah. So sad he attached. If not good catch, good catch. Matches the uabdl status annd more okay. Cos he's a tattooed bartending scary thing who bakes and writes poetry (which actually makes sense) and cooks and eats gummy bears in pairs so they won't feel lonely in his tummy. Hahahah.

Wendy! You want? Hes cooler than **ra** leh. But sad, the entire clique all red light.

Yes! I learnt something new ytd. The traffic light game. I am green light. but got alot of people come screw up my life i seem like ember to people leh. But i declare myself green thank you.




We are all afraid of rejection.
Both of us are.
And so we will never work out. We're distorted images of each other.




I wann go for fuellllll. I know su wants to so maybe i'll find peopos to go with us. yay. Just need to chedk if anyone working. hurhur. Okay, am going to do something ahppening now, like sleep. whee. Byebye.

1:54 PM; unforgotten.Y

current song of the moment's time to pretend by mgmt. It is heart.
It sounds so drugged out like you're trippin. Haha.

by the way. I think forgetting to bring your handphone out is like completely horrid. Its worse than forgetting your walkman or cash yanoe? Really.
Don't ever forget your phones kiddies!

oh, but not having youur phone with you has its perks too. Haha.
And i came back to find 33 missed calls. And i think 12texts. Crazy right. Bulk of the calls and texts came from one person though. Thought i died. Hahaha.

Alrights, bed time. Can't wait to see my girlies tomms! And wine tasting at fullerton. Ohman, so eggciting. Maybe i'll wear my new tailored dress and nine west heels. Yay. Okay, byebye.

1:24 AM; unforgotten.Y

hello! Last couple of hours left in bkk. we went to some random club last night. Couldnt get in to the mainnnnn beeeeeg dance clubs cos we were underaged. Haha. Nehneh. Their age limit here is 20. I was hoping we could get away with it since we were tourists but they really are damn strict. Quite funny.

Hm, okay so the club we went to was called hollywood or something and they had noooo dancefloor.
Do you know how sad that is? But they played decent music so that kept me happy. i think their alcohol is fake because i drank so much and i wasnt even minutely high. It was self high all the way man. Haha.
Even so, it was nice to see ming after so long. Hes still messed up as ever but i love him all the same. And im happy that he takes care of his sissy. So yeah.
I think its cos of people like him in my life that ive learnt not to judge others. I wont say im completely non judgemental. but i think once i get past the first impressions, figure out the kind of person you are then i'll accept that. I dont like people who get out of cookie cutters. i like them for being them.

I dont know how many people have seen me for me though. i do know that ive got a bunch of people who love me very much, im just not sure if what they see is what i see myself as not because ive got so many different personalities but because my single personality is so varied. So yeah. Write me a note, tell me what you see in me.

Tell me everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. I bet everyone has a super different impression of me. Some happen to see the more messed up side of me. Some happen to be the reason im messed up. So i think the different points of views is just great to see.


Alrights, breakfast now! Gbye.

9:46 AM; unforgotten.Y

ni haoooo. slacking once again in our room. This life is sex. I think our entire trip was spent alot on just sitting at some random place and slacking. Like there was the many places we went to while at vietnam. And today we found this cafe called vanilla. Its uber cute, foods decent too. And price is reasonable lah. So yay.

Will definitely go back there when im back in bangkok.

I like ho chi minh more than bangkok i must say. I feel like its safer. And its more chill. heh.
I forgot to find zq his vietnamese bride. Hahaha.

I heart the indie kids of bkk, if i didnt already mention that. I think they're cool. Even more so than the ones back at hoMe. Its artsy chic, without giving off the 'hey-im-trying-so-hard-its-too-hard' vibe.
But who am i to say right? Im pretty sure ive got people who look at me and think 'oh geez, that girl is way off' when i decide to wear neon yellow heels and green skirts and what nots. Haha.

Im glad i didnt spend all that much today. i think i havent spent that much in thailand. Good job sheena, good job.

Am meeting ming later. Wheee. We're prolly gonna go club. I hope we go somewhere cool. Can't wait! I havent seen him in damn long lah. I dont ever meet him in singapore. Ohwells.

And i am so looking forward to going home. =))) just one more night. Yay hay hooray. I love. I want giant hugs from all my lovees.


Oh, and i havent gotten eddie his slippers yet! He neh tell me his sizeee.
Oh and btw, i think cab drivers who try to cheat money should crash and die. Nehneh, some asshole say got jam, cannot go by meter so the price quoted was 300baht. And thats like more than 3times the average amt would be. Neh die before rhis kind. i hope he could tell how disgusted i was when i heard the price and walked off. Nbcbbbbbbbb! Do thar to the cb angmohs you slutwhore.



Okay byebye.

7:21 PM; unforgotten.Y

im lying in bed at shanghai mansion right now! Sex i tell you. The other 2 are still sleeeeeping. Haha.

we spent quite a bit at chatuchak ytd. So we cut short our time there and cabbed back. haha. Quite abit of my spending are stuff peeps are gonna pay me back for tho. So hooray. I didnt spend that much.

I think its awesome how we havent started hating each other yet. We're all pretty much go with the flowwwww. Which is great. cos i am so go with the flowwwww kind. Hahaha.

by the way, we concluded that its really quite sad we attract people only in foreign countries. Hahah. beejay has the mers driver- not the one who owns it. Su has tom cruise- the tour guide. And i have pho boy, the boy at the pho shop. Hahaha.

They go 'beautiful girl'. And back at home, no one does that. Sad rightzxz!

And i conclude vietnam has no good looking guys. Cos i onlyy saw 2 my entire 6days there, in the randomest of places. One is a boatman along the mekong delta. One is the owner's son of this cute homely place selling hue cuisine. How odd eh.

gonna annoy wendy on fb already. Cos shes spamming my phone. Byebye

9:14 AM; unforgotten.Y

hello! At a lil restaurant stuck in a corner. Its called givral and they just gave me a banana split that wasnt a banana split. Came with bandung, coconut and durian ice cream instead of the usual combi. Haha. Its quite cool.

i think vietnams nice. Spent so much moolah its not cool. Haha. Okay, am gonna gulp down my tea and going to walk ard while we wait to pick up our dresses and stuff we tailored! Wheeee. Byebye.

6:16 PM; unforgotten.Y

helllllo! Greetings from vietnam! Hoho.

Am having a nice breakfast at some lil frenchie cafe now. Like breadtalk i must say! Haha. Gonna get a pedi and all later. Then we'll go tailor clothes and blah. Awesomeeee.


Hope all is good at home! gummy bear is happy bear! Yay. Okay byebye.

12:46 PM; unforgotten.Y

so kiss me and smile for me.
=)


Cos im leavin on a jetplane, don't know when i'd be back again.

Okay, maybe i do know, 16th. come to airport and give me giant hugs yall. I haven't been away from home for such a long time in sucha long time. Haha. So eggciting.

and i wont be able to text and rant and rave to all my favourite people in so long! Boo! i hope we have wifi in vietnam. Or i'll be so sad for one whole week! (cos in bkk, got wifi and its quite speedy gonzales. Hahaha)

Have to be up in 2hours! Geez!

Okay, i hope to see yall soon. Pray the trip is good okay! am having an oddball feeling at the moment. blahh. Okay gnights!


I miss you.
And you.
And you.

But no, not you.

Oh and i know this may seem morbid in certain ways but i've always liked to leave with words meant only for certain people because you never know what might happen.

So to my mummy daddy and sissy,
Wendy weiyann wenzhen,
Sheri patsy joey,
Clare,
daddy boss,
Randy sean,
Edric,

I love you all very much.



Nightnight.

2:13 AM; unforgotten.Y

eddie made my day again. =)

12:05 PM; unforgotten.Y

this is so funny. Am looking at random people's fb. cos im trying to figure out if my friend is my friend's sister. Hahah. Yeah, so anyway i happen to come across drunk pics of this girl. Maybe not totally drunk. Just damn high. And ohamgee, shes exactly like zq can. zq high and in photos is like walao eh, straightaway you know one. Hahaha.

Thats why i like clubbing enough with people. You can totally just read them yanoe? You know exactly what they need to get high. And when they are about knocked out. I think its a pretty sweet experience.

I think the only times i've actually gotten really high from drinks is like, when i party with shar, zq, charlie and sarah. Thats like ultimate partying yanoe. Cos drinks just keep coming. You just keep going crazy. Its awesome man. so miss it.

By the way. Im a loner high. Hahah. The moment im high, i'll just dance on my own. like totally in the zone. Hahaha. And i hate it when people get into my space. So yeah, not a very friendly high eh. Just more, hmm. Territorial than usual. Heh heh.

Okay, next time i party. Its gonna be hardcore. Wooooots.

1:53 AM; unforgotten.Y

zeezee says,
'its just a game.'


Yup, you are just a game that no one has won just yet.

10:35 AM; unforgotten.Y

aww, so sweet. seanie called me today from hk. and then he very smart, the line got cut off just as i asked him 'so, bought me anything yet not?' haha. Good to know he's still alive. Its alright yall didnt win. Experience is good. Im proud of you, really.

I can't wait for monday seriously. can't wait to get away from everything and everyone. im gonna be spending abt 10days or so with su and beejay though. If we come back and can no longer be friends, its quite scary. Hahah. We shall attempt our dishes in vietnam yes? HohO. How cool shit are we. Even working while holidaying. I think its damn not healthy. I feel bad for the both of them seriously. Cos its like they completely lose their life kinda thing. Im pretty much used to it. Which is precisely why i want a break. I don't think marcus really understands. But its okay. Maybe next time.

Im damn annoyed with cbam. Like really, go die lahhhh. Rahhh.

Am uber tired. So so so tired. I, need a hug. I think thats why its nice to be married cos you go home and you have someone to go back to. like it must be very nice to look forward to go home so you can see your other half hmm?

Anyway, i always kena con into going to work. Walao. But nehmind nehmind, i wont be an irresponsible bitch. So yes. I cant wait for tomorrow to end. Will look forward as hell and be a happy gIrl. Yay.


Okay. Byebye.

1:03 AM; unforgotten.Y

happy belated gummy bear!

Aiyah, i feel so bad. I forgot about eddie's birthday (actually, maybe its cos he never told me before) which was ytd. And whats worst is that he remembered my birthday and called me just to wish me when he got back from malaysia. Sweet right! Thats why he's my gummy bear. =))

iam really totally hooked on so here we are. Awesome bass lah. its just so stoned out yanoe? Haha.
Sorry, im not there. Im just a reflection of you. Remember, we mirror each other.


Goodbye.

12:43 AM; unforgotten.Y

i scared lionel and lionel scared me. Hahah. So freaking funny. But damn uber creepy. OhmaN, miss my jagerbomb/helipad siao kaki. haha.

I've been good i've been bad, i've been happy, i've been sad. I've been greedy, i've been seedy, i've been had.

Ooo! Might be meeting up with one of my fav bartenders for dinner tomorrow. =)) how i miss. =)))

2:13 AM; unforgotten.Y

once again, gummy bear saves the day by starting a random conversation with me. I don't know how he does it. But he's always there when i need someone. Thank you sweets.

Current song of the moment is so here we are by bloc party. I think the drummer is hot. In the very preppy, geek chic cool kinda way. reminds me of hq in a funny way. I think its the stoned out vibe kinda thing. absolute love.

I figure the next guy i date might just turn out to be some geeky guy, slightly indie, who'll cook for a picnic and do word searches with me while the wind sweeps past our faces.
Yes, im picturing a tall indie-ish guy in dark rimmed specs, a checkered shirt and berms. Throw in dark brown, slightly messy unstyled hair with a nice deep laugh and low baritone voice. And is very comfortable in his own skin.
*melts*

I think its the effect of the song. It has this whimsical, slightly meh-geeek feel to it. Very, lets lie down in the middle of a field and stare as clouds go by kinda thing.

I went to ikea. i love and hate that place. Makes me want to buy everything up. Makes me want my own apartment. Makes me dream of how i'd do up my place. and i like being alone. I think its very nice to be able to shop alone.

I hope one day, i'll be able to just fly off to a random country on my own. I think it takes a hell lot of guts. And i think its really exciting. As dangerous and as adventurous as it seems, i think the day i find the courage to do, is the day i would feel very empowered. Till then.

I find myself lacking the heart. and its annoying me. I think ive gotta back off and see what i wanna do with my life. i tell others to do what they really want. I think its time for me to do the same. To think about what makes me happy.
Time to get my life back on track before i go ahead and screw it up all over again.

My biggest competition is myself. My greatest barrier is myself. My shittiest weakness is myself. I have to find the heart to get through it all again. I need time. Time away from the crowds. I need time with myself. And the people who matter. Im going to do that. because nothing's more important than they are.

I tried to find edward today. But they no longer sell him. Don't worry randy, i'll buy you one. He'll keep you company like sheendall does. He'll be by your side. Just as i would. Xoxo.






Take your time to trust in me
And you will find, infinity.

1:22 AM; unforgotten.Y

I KNOW YOU WANT ME.
YOU KNOW I WANT CHA.

I KNOW YOU WANT ME.
YOU KNOW I WANT CHA.

4:55 PM; unforgotten.Y

all my favourite boys are away now! tioman! So fun hor? And seanie's in hongkong. I bet hes flirting as hell with all the hongkong chicks. Hahaha.
And speaking of which, sean neh die before. I'll make sure i chop off his hair when he gets back. NehnEh. Make me angry only.


Ohohoh and uabdl confirm working at xw! Hahah. Deedee, i'll take you thereeee.

am veh tired. Going back to sleep. Gnights.

Ps. I hate work.

11:45 AM; unforgotten.Y